Send horse poop through the mail ... with Bitcoins

Through Sh-tExpress, you can send real horse manure to anyone in the world. The future is now! And it smells terrible.

By Jarrett Bellini | @JarrettBellini
Apparently This Matters: The Column

I don’t have any Bitcoins. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Namely, the ability to pay for things with actual money.

Cash.

The kind generally accepted at grocery stores and gun shops and trashy biker bars in Daytona. Or, when you magically blend all three together under one roof, a Wal-Mart.

That kind of money. The good stuff.

But, amazingly, no matter the currency, be it dollars or pounds or whatever non-strip-club-ready combination of 1’s and 0’s constitutes a Bitcoin, you’re now good to go if you’re interested in mailing somebody a medium-sized box full of horse poop.

“Merry Christmas!”

This recent talk-of-the-Internet, and cryptocurrency-ready company, is called Sh-tExpress.

Did you see what I did there? Did you notice how I dropped the “i” in the company name so as to not fully spell out a curse word? That’s a little journalism trick called … omitting the letter “i.” 

Thanks, American University School of Communications!

But, yes, that’s really the name of this Slovenia-based company. Sh-tExpress. And they will anonymously (attempt to) send real horse manure to anyone in the world with a hand-written personal message for your enemy. No questions asked.

Amazingly, in some countries, because horse poop is simply considered plant fertilizer, this is a perfectly legal thing to put through the mail. Real horse poop. As opposed to certain other prohibited items that one might actually WANT to send and receive.

Care to surprise an old friend in Pittsburgh with a fine bottle of Scotch for the holidays? Excuse me, sir, the Postmaster General would like a word with you.

On the other hand, do you want to send your friend Mr. Ed’s partially-digested hay-deuce?  Click here!

Sh-tExpress officially started on October 1st, but their CEO, who goes by the name Pete Crapper, doesn’t quite remember when he came up with the idea. He just recalls saying, “Let’s send a sh-t to everyone in the world, let’s make it anonymous and let’s offer free shipping.”

At the moment, Sh-tExpress only mails horse manure. However, laws-permitting, Pete hopes to offer new animal choices sometime in 2015 after they move their operations to The Netherlands. Thus, you will actually be able to stress over what KIND of poop to send your mother-in-law for her birthday.

“Which pile of crap should I get for Diane?"

And while I like the sound of that, I’m still struggling with the legality of mailing poop. 

Mind you, I support it. I just don't get it. 

Because one time I tried to bring a simple stick of beef jerky back home from South Africa, and it was confiscated at the airport in Atlanta.

What's the harm in a little jerky?

In South Africa they call it biltong, and I thought my friend Ryan would like it as a gift for watching my dog.

“Thanks for looking after Mikey. Here’s some dried out animal flesh.”

Meanwhile, as I’m basically getting anal-probed by security looking for more meat (boy, that sounds bad) I watched a man breeze through customs with a rifle so large it was seemingly capable of blasting off Godzilla’s gonads from a mile away.

There’s a lesson here, but I don’t know what it is.

Regardless, just understand that when it comes to international shipping, beef jerky is bad, guns are OK, and horse poop is mostly legal. And the current price for sending some anywhere in the world in a box is $16.95. Which, in Bitcoins, comes out to BTC 0.05.

And that seems like a pretty good deal.

Birthday gift for Diane ... check.

4 comments:

  1. And the sh!t starts to fly......

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG! ATM is back! I missed you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Isn't heating a lean pocket about the same as cooking meth when it comes to being dangerous? I read that somewhere, not an original thought trust me. But Horse sh-t, kittens and lean pockets combined .....I see an idea forming.but not free shipping.

    Good to find you again.

    ReplyDelete