Apparently This Matters: The Column
Where it all started. Fun essays about stuff. And things.
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May 12, 2017 :: (Review) Los Colognes / "The Wave"
January 23, 2017 :: (Review) Dead Man Winter / "Furnace"
October 14, 2016 :: Desert Trip Review
September 13, 2016 :: Desert Trip Preview
July 12, 2016 :: I ranked a bunch of songs called "Wrecking Ball"
May 3, 2016 :: Encores are (mostly) pointless
April 19, 2016 :: Stop talking at concerts
November 17, 2015 :: (Review) Nathaniel Rateliff @ The Earl in Atlanta / 2015 11-13
November 9, 2015 :: (Review) John Moreland @ Eddie's Attic in Atlanta / 2015 11-05
November 4, 2015 :: (Review) FlipBelt - Tubular exercise storage belt
October 26, 2015 :: (Review) Amazeballs - Stainless steel beverage coolers
October 23, 2015 :: (Review) RunPhones - Bluetooth headphones in a headband
October 19, 2015 :: (Review) Fruition @ Smith's Olde Bar in Atlanta / 2015 10-13
October 16, 2015 :: I love my iPod Classic ... but you only need these THREE devices
July 31, 2015 :: I bought my dog a bionic knee: (Part 1) Choosing TPLO surgery
June 25, 2015 :: All 50 state flags ranked
June 19, 2015 :: Enjoy that stupid new stadium in the suburbs
May 29, 2015 :: Mercy killing a guinea pig
April 24, 2015 :: The man-baby shower (and Wanee 2015 review)
March 20, 2015 :: The one thing you must do next time you ride Uber
March 12, 2015 :: A walk is for US, a sniff is for HIM
February 20, 2015 :: 2015 OSCAR Predictions
February 13, 2015 :: Jewish online publication CHARGING readers to comment
February 2, 2015 :: The difference between sports and porn
January 10, 2015 :: My first CES: A swift kick to the head
November 18, 2014 :: Send horse poop through the mail

--- below: published for cnn.com --

October 10, 2014 :: Book It turns 30
September 26, 2014 :: Amputated leg lamp
September 19, 2014 :: Slipping on banana peels
September 12, 2014 :: Coffee naps
September 5, 2014 :: Russian space sex geckos
August 15, 2014 :: The beauty of big trucks
August 1, 2014 :: MANternity photos
July 26, 2014 :: French Girls gone wild
July 11, 2014 :: Death metal without oxygen
June 20, 2014 :: My kids suck
May 30, 2014 :: Weed Fairy leaves free pot
May 2, 2014 :: Airplane armrest for two
April 25, 2014 :: The new Ronald McDonald
April 18, 2014 :: Virtual soda drinking
April 4, 2014 :: Crap(py) Taxidermy
March 28, 2014 :: NASA's new spacesuit
March 21, 2014 :: Instagram's favorite grandma
March 7, 2014 :: Keurig 2.0
February 28, 2014 :: Private luxury toilets in NYC
February 21, 2014 :: I (was) the walrus
February 14, 2014 :: Sweatpants at work
February 7, 2014 :: L.A.'s fancy new streetlights
January 31, 2014 :: Colonel Meow is dead
January 24, 2014 :: A ghost ship with cannibal rats
January 17, 2014 :: Fine dining isn't for kids
January 10, 2014 :: 'Ice Cube's a pimp'
December 20, 2013 :: Six Californias
December 13, 2013 :: And the color of the year is ...
December 6, 2013 :: This one dog in Charleston
November 22, 2013 :: Fart filtering underwear
November 15, 2013 :: Squat for a ride in Russia
November 8, 2013 :: Cats in clothes
November 1, 2013 :: Being average is sexy
October 25, 2013 :: The zombie car that nobody loved
October 11, 2013 :: Billionaire uses flip phone
October 4, 2013 :: CrossFit for toddlers
September 27, 2013 :: Scared s***less at a haunted house
Spetember 20, 2013 :: How to get served at a bar
September 13, 2013 :: Own this amazing doomsday bunker
September 6, 2013 :: Rent a wife? How 'bout a goat?
August 30, 2013 :: Frozen animal sperm
August 23, 2013 :: Trader Joe's walks the plank
August 16, 2013 :: Gingers take to the streets
August 9, 2013 :: Cutest fan letter ever
August 2, 2013 :: Got leftovers? Wanna trade?
July 26, 2013 :: A rough month for chickens
July 12, 2013 :: Anti-smoking head cage
July 5, 2013 :: Actual music videos on MTV
June 21, 2013 :: Hairy leg stockings
May 30, 2013 :: Teatime for Hitler
April 19, 2013 :: Drink Water, You Dummy
April 12, 2013 :: Size (Yes, THAT kind of size)
April 5, 2013 :: Bracket Town
March 29, 2013 :: Giant elephant bird egg
March 22, 2013 :: ePad Femme
March 15, 2013 :: Viral Obituary
March 8, 2013 :: Baby Baird's Tapir
March 1, 2013 :: The New 'SimCity'
February 22, 2013 :: Haunted Mirror
February 15, 2013 :: Out of control at 125 mph
February 8, 2013 :: Face Tattoos
February 1, 2013 :: Pet Tortoises
January 25, 2013 :: ReviewerCard
January 18, 2013 :: iPotty
January 11, 2013 :: World's Hottest Curry
January 4, 2013 :: Ruzzle
December 28, 2012 :: Lobster iPhone Case
December 21, 2012 :: Meggings
December 7, 2012 :: The Puppy Room
November 30, 2012 :: Thin is In
November 22, 2012 :: Boyfriend Pillow
November 16, 2012 :: It's Thanksgiving
November 9, 2012 :: Airplane Seat Belts
November  2, 2012 :: Buckyballs
October 26, 2012 :: The Dipjar
October 19, 2012 :: $10,000 BBQ Sauce
October 12, 2012 :: Gangnam Style
October 5, 2012 :: Ostrich Pillow
September 28, 2012 :: Bacon Shortage
September 21, 2012 :: Fat Dog
September 14, 2012 :: Living Room Hot Tub
September 7, 2012 :: Hug Me Jacket
August 31, 2012 :: Whale Puke
August 17, 2012 :: Wikipedia Roulette
August 10, 2012 :: CVS Beauty Club
August 3, 2012 :: Phelps and Phish
July 27, 2012 :: Lefties Rights
July 13, 2012 :: 7-Eleven Slurpees
July 6, 2012 :: Doink the Clown
June 29, 2012 :: Kidz Bop
June 22, 2012 :: Dr. Mario
June 15, 2012 :: Morning people
June 8, 2012 :: Doritos Locos Tacos
June 1, 2012 :: $1,300 HDMI cables